DESCRIPTION

CAST

OVAW'z OVA
ANIME ActionHand Shakers

REVIEWS

• 

  CodeBlazeFate

  11/100
  W’z is the purest example of a director and studio taking the piss.

  “It at once is the antithesis of creativity and a testament to everything that can go wrong with ambition in art; it is the enemy of creativity itself! Let’s give one final farewell to Hand Shakers, the show that broke my spirit 10 times over; see you in hell!” -An idiot who thought this shit would end.

  In an ideal world, something as broken Hand Shakers would have never been made. Unfortunately, we live in a society, where something like this can get popular as a punching bag, garner a prequel OVA, a sequel series, and several stage plays despite flopping both critically and commercially. Understandably, by the time this sequel was announced, almost no one cared anymore. A sequel to Hand Shakers is frankly that unfathomable. It’s like making a sequel to Ride to Hell Retribution or Battlefield Earth. No one asked for this, and yet it’s here. It’s not only here, but it’s rocking enough product placement to impress Michael Bay. Why? Any rational human being would have shitcanned this heap ages ago, or at the very least worked on other projects before even considering attempting this again. However, director Shingo Suzuki is not a rational human being, and neither am I as I watch Studio GoHands drag its name through the mud a second time.

  Wasting time by dissecting the nightmarishly awful and consistently contradictory world-building is fruitless. Tackling all the fresh new ways W’z adds nonsensical terminology, conjures up nonsensical contrivances, contradicts its own predecessor, and breaks its own franchise’s established rules even before it re-establishes them itself, is pointless. It’s also a good 5K words no one wants to type or read about when I can just say “the first condition Hand Shakers introduces for losing is for your team to stop holding hands, and they broke it immediately”. W’z’s grotesque predecessor made all this into a fucking hobby, so of course this show follows suit. How else can we have a team consisting of a melee and a ranged fighter without breaking the one rule of this franchise for the umpteenth time? How else can they allow literally every character to not hold hands and suffer no repercussions, even when it makes no difference to their fighting style? Needless to say, they shouldn’t have even bothered telling us what the rules are when not only does the show constantly break them, but the characters themselves don’t even know them.

  The dialogue’s as heinous as ever, with “mesh” being spammed to hell and back, and characters actively describing both their own and each other’s personalities to each other. The monologuing is exactly as insufferable as it is rampant as well. The mere concept of this show, this entire franchise, even if it didn’t get contradicted constantly by these sorry excuses for screenplays, is inherently broken. This is all shit we’ve heard before. It’s literally just Hand Shakers, but with a music video theme and vibe, and a cast of over-the-top gimmick caricatures meandering for minutes on end while hanging out with our bland returning cast. The only things new are the new pieces of convoluted, nonsensical lore, terminology, and gaudy religious references about God and language and the Tower of Babel and whatever. They do try to bring in some personal drama for the old cast, but that’s as far as anything goes in terms of actually trying, and the characters are so badly written that I couldn’t begin to care. No amount of poorly and predictably placed backstories will ever change that, especially when said backstories dismantle the already mind-numbing pacing and episode structure. The characters’ motivations and arcs are beyond nonsensical as well. It’s pointless to even discuss the writing any further since even the original Hand Shakers wasn’t burned in effigy over that shit, and that’s despite this anime’s narrative somehow being even worse.

  Two years ago, I claimed that if it wasn't for the obnoxiously bad visuals that were supposed to be seen as "visionary" or "innovative", almost nobody would be talking about this franchise. To think W’z would prove me right. Hand Shakers was the apex of a saga of GoHands pushing the envelope in how much garish, blinding, inconceivable shit it can add to its signature style before the audience throws up and retaliates. Now that they’ve jumped back, there’s nothing really to discuss, nothing new to get angry about or sell this series as a disasterpiece with. Sure, we can bitch about the abysmal vehicle, weapon, and pedestrian CGI, which is as prevalent as it is disgusting. We can complain about the awful camera and background movements, the frame rate dips, and terrible choreography all we want. Same goes for all of the unfinished choreography and nonexistent animation, terrible color and character designs, blinding filters, needless and ill-conceived camera tricks. None of it is new. Not even the blatant stock assets and reused footage are worth noting beyond the fact that a sequel should fix all of this kind of shit, and that none of this should have made it past the initial pitch back in the franchise’s inception. Even going into detail with how the show actually looks good during the few times the show lets go of most of this tacked-on glitter and make-up in episode 1 is old news at this point. The best I can do is praise some of the nifty shots and editing tricks the first episode pulls early on, which are reminiscent of cheesy music videos which this show attempts to emulate. Other than that, it’s all dead air and retreaded ground. Even the needlessly abysmal and frequent attempts and 2D and 3D CGI compositing isn’t a startling talking point anymore.

  You wanna know the real kicker here? The first 30 seconds of this show took my breath away. We hear someone whistling as he walks before an impressive fish-eyed lens shot of skyscrapers, before switching to Doctor Strange style kaleidoscopic imagery of the city. Barring the shitty CGI and garish lighting filter sandwiched between these impressive sequences, it actually painted the picture of a promising anime with a music video aesthetic. Imagine my disappointment when it went back to doing the same shit that made Hand Shakers so reviled. It’s as if Shingo and his team at GoHands knew what they were doing and chose to trick people expecting something new. If that doesn’t sound wack to you, then you might actually enjoy this dumpster fire.

  The OST is almost as uninspired and badly implemented as it was before, except now they added FUNKY FRESH BEATS AND SHIT! It’s also as badly edited as the music in a bad student film. But hey, at least they came up with a track or two that works in a vacuum, and they even worked up the courage to put an orchestral battle theme in the midst of all the elevator jingles. Again, barely even half of these tracks are good and some don’t even fit, but when I have to stretch this thin for compliments, anything goes. The only thing of note left is how surprisingly reserved this show is with its OST, which is for the better. Then again, there’s no use even trying to compliment that cuz even when this show corrects a mistake, it’s a mistake that should have never been thought of in the first place. It’s not a competent sequel just cuz they added some beats to a dry OST to make up for their shitty fucking OP and ED, or because they dialed back on the eye-searing AIDStacular visuals they had no business going this overboard with for like 5 minutes before hopping right back into doing everything as wrong as possible again. It’s just backpedaling, lazy, lifeless, stupid backpedaling that means nothing to no one. In some ways, it’s even worse than Hand Shakers because as repugnant as that piece of shit is, it’s so avant-garde in its awfulness that even when separating it from how it’s the culmination of a studio taking its style too far, it would at least make for a piñata worth bashing, even if that one’s still the more insufferable of the two.

  There’s honestly no point in going any further. It’s been two years, and nothing’s been learned or gained. Not even I’ve learned to stay away, and I didn’t even plan to watch this until a friend I moderate for put this on his stream. The worst part is: I won’t even really be able to get closure on a franchise that’s haunted me for years anymore, as just when we think it’s dead, it comes back. This isn’t even funny anymore. It’s honestly depressing. This is the kind of thing that would make even the most rose-tinted anime fan jaded towards this industry. It’s a cruel joke, with schmucks like me serving as the punchline. W’z is the purest example of a director and studio taking the piss. At what point do we draw the line? When do we decide to stop watching, and begin avoiding and boycotting this thing? When will they decide to move onto a brand-new IP and let the dead horse lie? When is enough going to be enough? When will shows like this truly be a rare occurrence to be forgotten instead of a common underside that reincarnates four times a year in an ever-growing incestuous ouroboros of pain and suffering for everyone involved?

  Not now, not with a lazy, worthless waste of time so up its own ass it pronounces its name as “Wise”.

  Written and Edited by: CodeBlazeFate
  Proofread by: Peregrine

  Continue on AniList
• 

  TheGruesomeGoblin

  65/100
  It might be a sequel that nobody on this planet asked for, but it meshes perfectly.

  __This review is for a sequel to another series. Therefore, this review will likely spoil aforementioned series. A passing familiarity with the [previous series](https://anilist.co/anime/21731/Hand-Shakers/) or having read [that review](https://anilist.co/review/2389) is probably recommended.__ Thank you for your *understa understan understan understan understan diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing*

  

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  Subject T-33 sighs again.

  "Am I ever gonna escape this padded room? This whole routine has just... gotten stale. And once again, the researcher is fucking late."

  He begins to hear weird noises from the hallway. Quiet at first, but then rapidly growing in volume. Then a singular voice composed of many chanting the same thing over and over again.

  GoHands! GoHands! GoHands!

  "That... cannot be good."

  We've overpowered those who do not believe in the Hand! The Goblins have fallen! We now must claim and prepare the sacrifice in time for the arrival of the Hands! This heathen mocked the work of the almighty GoHands!

  

  He shall be made to mesh! He shall be made to mesh!

  They were outside the door now.

  "Why. There's a whole secret underground research facility's worth of test subjects. Why does this always happen to me?"

  The door to the padded room flung open, and there stood a familiar researcher. Though his labcoat had been replaced by a now unlatched straitjacket newly adorned with what appeared to be many many severed hands.

  YE WHO SMIRKED AT THE FACE OF GOD. YE SHALL BE MADE TO REPENT. YE SHALL BE MADE TO MESH.

  The hands were upon poor Subject T-33 now. Dragging him out of the padded room and to his fate.

  "No! Don't make me watch another one! No!"

  

  ---

  W-Z: Welcome Back

  

  ...W'z is a sequel to the anime Hand Shakers by GoHands. When I finished watching Hand Shakers, not in a million years did I think there would be a sequel. Yet, here we are.

  

  I need to note that in most cases, I'm a "only reads the description" sort of person so when I watched the first episode, I was COMPLETELY unaware that this was a full blown Hand Shakers sequel.

  The anime centers on Yukiya, who is "probably" 14 years old.

  "Wait, what do you mean "probably" 14 years ol--"

  

  "Never mind, carry on..."

  He spends his time DJ-ing alone. Due to his father's influence, he's listened to house music since he was young, and he uploads videos online. He wants to convey something to someone. He wants to be recognized, and become important. But getting hurt is scary. One day, while trying to get more views, he does something that can't be undone. And he sees a live broadcast from "that world." Yukiya believes he can't do anything alone, but that he could accomplish something if he were doing it together with someone else.

  

  I really did think it was just gonna be an unrelated GoHands anime about a teenager who DJs.

  ...Not even a straight sequel actually. It's not like this just picks right up from the moment Hand Shakers ends. Like oh are we gonna see Tazuna and Koyori go see God finall--

  

  Nope! That already happened! Then ten years pass and then a teenage boy named...

  actual genuine moment of trying to recall the main protagonist's real name despite copying and pasting the description that includes it not even ten seconds before

  ...named W'z decides that he's not getting enough views on his DJing videos on the Youtube, so knowing that he has the power to bring anyone he holds hands with into this neat weird magic realm where goldfish and other visual shit moves across everything, he singlehandedly and unhesitatingly begins the second Great Handshaker War.

  

  As every single other active Handshaker sees the Youtube video like within five minutes of it being posted and they immediately gather to try and defeat this unorthodox Handshaker who really wanted nothing more than to DJ in a magic realm in peace.

  ...But I mean really, if you're a teenager and you know you have access to a magical dimension, of course you're going to fuck around with it. Then when you add in the fact that the internet exists...

  "I'm gonna go fucking livestream myself DJing in this magical realm that God created as an arena for people to fight each other in for his amusement and for their most desired wishes and become Youtube FAMOUS."

  

  At the time, I didn't even question it. Which goes to show you how masterful GoHands are for diverting your attention from the details that don't matter. But he is live streaming from ANOTHER DIMENSION/WORLD. Like how does that even work? Like wouldn't God not want the normal people to see his realm for Handshaker battling?

  But anyways, like within a minute various people have pinpointed W'z's exact location in the video.

  

  Internet people are fucking terrifying. Post a single picture of yourself standing outside and I bet some fucking goblins are gonna triangulate that shit and be after you for your kidneys within an hour. To normal people, there's no DJing teenager there. But to fellow Handshakers, it's prime bait for the taking, and they swarm in on him like fucking piranhas.

  He doesn't even finish his song and boom!

  

  Did both rival Handshaker teams just happen to be in the vicinity of that exact spot? Like even assuming you're capable of immediately tracking down someone's exact location from a few minutes of a youtube livestream...

  ...

  ...Actually, what am I even doing? These details don't matter. Like if this wasn't GoHands I would also comment on how terrible his mask is. Like if you actually want to hide your identity, maybe cover your entire face...?

  

  Like he even deletes the recorded version of the livestream (???) after essentially accepting that it was a terrible idea because now every active Handshaker is after him for his ability. And also no matter which way you slice it, his entire motivation was to get more views on Youtube.

  This being the way W'z starts is fascinating because it's so quickly breezed over. Because no character really reprimands him to the extent of how much they should have. Like what are you, an idiot? Of course this was going to happen. Also if you just compare the beginnings of each show...

  

  ...they may appear very similar but.

  Hand Shakers: Tazuna stumbles into the world of Handshakers unknowingly and then continues to battle because Koyori's life is at risk if he doesn't hold her hand regularly. "I just want to protect Koyori but if I can meet God and save her, then that's fine too!"

  W'z: Kid knows all about Handshakers and Ziggurat already, and selfishly uses Ziggurat for sick amazing visual effects for his DJ stream and everything that happens is a result from that singular event. "I guess I'll just go with the flow now, I guess! You want me to use my ability to try and find your friends lost within Ziggurat? Sure, I guess."

  I mean in actuality, it works out pretty well. Because when you first go into Hand Shakers completely blind, you really just have absolutely no fucking idea what you're walking into. But, assuming as long as you aren't blindsided by the fact that it's a sequel to Hand Shakers, for W'z, you're already aware.

  So you just sit down and wait for the explosions to start happening.

  

  ---

  W-Z: Even More Handshakers

  I really just cannot undersell the fact that this series is just literally 100% Hand Shakers 2.0.

  

  A genuine complaint I would have for W'z is that a couple of the Handshaker teams that are introduced are a whole lot... I don't want to say bland, but certainly tamer than the original teams.

  

  But that complaint is kind of moot considering like 80% of the original Hand Shaker teams are still around and thanks to Yukiya's (W'z) ability, they are literally able to come out of retirement and join in on the Handshaker mayhem once more.

  

  And like the way these moments are framed come off as "woah how exciting, we get to see the card Handshaker to be in action again! Aren't you excited?!?"

  And of course the answer was no. But then like after building it up so much, Tazuna finally enters the scene and after thinking that GoHands basically just copied Tazuna's character and changed it up for a bit to get Yukiya, both of them team up at a point. When they stood side by side, my brain kind of fucked up and stopped trying to process what was happening.

  

  Most bizarrely enough though, not all of the old Handshakers are just like glorified cameos. Hey, remember the sadist and masochist team from Hand Shakers? You know, the very first team that Tazuna fights and defeats? You don't remember those well-established and memorable characters?

  Well, they're Yukiya's parents. The fact that the very first Handshaker team that ceased mattering beyond the first two episodes of Hand Shakers not only plays a major supporting role but are actually likable characters caught me super off guard.

  

  The fact that Chain Dad is an actual likable character and he's like ruminated on his actions is just interestingly bizarre.

  "Handshakers are assholes, son. I know that very well so don't follow in my footsteps. Don't ever touch anybody else's hand ever."

  ...Can Hand Shakers 3 like introduce the idea of like alternate timelines and we can get the S&M team as like the protagonist team?

  

  Seriously, not to be negative or anything, but the fucking Mesh Brothers are goddamned blandsville.

  Tazuna: "I repair things! Mesh!"
  Yukiya: "I'm a DJ! Mesh!"

  

  ...

  ...

  ...

  Oh yeah, also the Idol Team never actually shows up. AKA, unquestionably the best and also technically one of the strongest teams of the original Hand Shakers with the idol character who just busts out completely irrelevant quotes from historical figures for the sake of it.

  But you know, that's totally definitely not because the voice actress probably decided to be the one of the bunch to actually say no..............................

  

  ---

  W-Z: Hand Shaking

  

  Though speaking of the S&M team, maybe I'm losing my mind but I vaguely remember it being stated in Hand Shakers that if you lose to another team in a Handshakers duel, not only do you lose your ability and status as a Handshaker, but also the actual memory of being a Handshaker?

  ^This is complete Mandela Effect bullshit. I think I just thought that because I'm pretty sure there was a point where Tazuna saw Team Chain after the fact but it's not like he went up to them so they didn't actually interact. So my brain took that as them losing their memory even though even in the original show all the other teams clearly remember that they've lost. And obviously had to for this show to even exist.

  That being said, the overall rules of this whole Handshaker thing really do still seem shaky at best. Like I always thought it'd be that only one team could get a wish from God out of everyone deemed Handshakers and then it'd somehow reset and new Handshakers were picked (???) since various other Handshaker teams have gotten wishes previously and the Hand Shaker stuff didn't go away/end. Why isn't this shit mapped out like a tourney anyways? God sure is leaving a lot of shit up to chance... like what if no Handshakers ever came across any others while both sets happened to be holding hands??? Like that's a pretty fucking specific trigger...

  Then W'z adds the idea of there being a different type of Handshaker around. Irregular Handshakers.

  

  And Irregular Handshakers can bring back the power of defeated Handshakers and can even bring a whole additional team back into Ziggurat. But from the viewpoint of God, what purpose would this possibly serve him? I mean that was the whole thing. If you lose a Handshaker battle then you can just go fuck off, and those still in the "game" can battle it out for their wishes. Defeated Handshakers coming back into the mix just muddies the waters.

  Especially when business Handshaker decides "hey isn't Ziggurat way more valuable than God's wishes and it doesn't involve battling a fuck ton of Handshakers???" and that was without a doubt easily the most interesting turn of W'z.

  Business Handshaker: "Okay God. I want infinite riches."

  

  ...Hand Shaker God is apparently an asshole. But I guess you'd have to be to literally design a system where a bunch of people just fight purely for your amusement for the vague promise of your wish being granted.

  ---

  W-Z: Conclusion

  

  I just want to note that I have a genuine respect for GoHands and everyone involved in the creation of W'z. Most of the bad (IN MY OPINION) series I've reviewed over the years, like they're typically "one-offs." Or they might even end with obvious signs that there's going to be a continuation, but then a continuation just never fucking happens. And some that do have a "season two", in actuality it's most likely that they were gonna be 24 episodes long in the first place but then they just got split up.

  GoHands, though? Hand Shakers blasted out into the world in Winter 2017. W'z followed it in Winter 2019. Two entire years. They could have let it rest in the ground, but somebody at GoHands slammed their fist against a table and went

  "NO. I don't care how much it got shit on! We're doing a fucking Hand Shakers sequel! There's going to be more explosions, more world building, more Handshakers, and we're going to bring back as many of the old cast we possibly can and they're gonna shake hands again too, and we're gonna have the meme beer product placement again and it's gonna be GREAT."

  

  Like there just seemed to be an energy radiating through the whole of W'z where it made me feel like... they actually wanted to make it. They actually wanted to make this Hand Shakers sequel and god damn it, they did it. Like I can't even imagine something I've created getting so widely shit on as Hand Shakers and then just pushing it all aside and continuing on.

  

  Yeah I know I'm lazy for this. But I'm not gonna actually make like a fucking enormous collage image out of just other people's horrifically negative Hand Shakers reviews. You get the gist.

  I probably would have went "okay fuck, I'll try something different then."

  GoHands, though? Nope. They brought it back and you know, compared to Hand Shakers, I actually... maybe it's because my indoctrination has progressed further, but I actually enjoyed this one! Genuinely, I mean. Like they took what they had with Hand Shakers and they refined it. And sure, maybe when you get down to it that just means more and better and bigger fights, but damn it, that's EXACTLY what I wanted.

  I give W'z a 65 out of 100. If you were previously a passenger of the Hand Shakers train (whether you enjoyed the ride or not), I would most certainly recommend falling further down the pit.

  

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  Subject T-33 now found himself tied to what resembled a giant hand constructed out of what seemed to be mostly rusted scrap metal or various other forms of garbage. The mob of insane cultists surrounded him with various sharp instruments.

  "So, are you really actually going to sacrifice me to an anime stud--I mean, a pair of God Hands in the sky?"

  Absolutely. The Hands must be appeased.

  "That'd be pretty stupid to waste a perfectly good sacrifice considering... you know. Hand Shakers 3 is just right around the corner."

  Upon hearing those words, there was a hushed murmuring among the crowd.

  He speaks lies! There has been no such prophecy granted to us by the Hands! He blasphemes to try and escape his destiny!

  "Look man, I'm just saying, if Hand Shakers 3 does roll out and you don't have a sacrifice, well, what then? Your pair of hands are probably gonna be pretty angry. I mean come on. Do you really think W'z is the end when we still have not even seen God yet???"

  Silence. The former Goblin researcher who had started this dumb hand cult realized he had lost control of his followers. While he had originally corralled these crazy research subjects into a group as a way to organize both his escape from the Goblins as well as his revenge, his faith in the entity known as GoHands had become genuine.

  ...You are spared. Until Hand Shakers 3.

  Subject T-33 was freed from the constructed giant hand and allowed to return to the safety of his padded room. The brave front he had been putting on immediately collapsed the moment the door shut behind him.

  "Oh god. Oh no. GoHands is totally gonna fucking make a Hand Shakers 3. I'm fucked."

  ___TO BE CONTINUED IN LIKE TWO YEARS MAYBE???___

  ---

  W-Z: PS, why is this shit not a video game yet

  seriously what the fuck. it could be the exact same as the anime, just let me play this stupid shit GOD

  Continue on AniList

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